i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am midnight drunk by noon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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