At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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