the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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