You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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