This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
