were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
