If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
