You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
