saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
