Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
