It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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