just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The best revenge is premature balding
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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