What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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