listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Randomize
