the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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