Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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