Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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