Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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