So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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