at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
