I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
