Pregnant stripper...not hot.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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