Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize