At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I could make wine with my vomit
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
