Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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