mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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