Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
