Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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