Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize