Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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