somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I deserve this hangover.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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