tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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