I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
