I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just found puke in my bra..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize