I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
