ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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