Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
