i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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