its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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