Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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