while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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