you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
