apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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