he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Let's get the cat blown out
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
