whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
