The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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