I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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