the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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