The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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