He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
