420 ftw
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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