My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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