We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Holy shit dude........stairs
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