Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
