Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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