I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
