she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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