Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
