I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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