I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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