I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
