Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
