My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
