walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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