Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
