What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
