My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
