take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
