Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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