My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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