I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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