omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
