You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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