A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize