I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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