i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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