I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
