you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
