he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
